Nightmare Confessions
by MerlinSpideyMacgyverB99
Summary: "Jack!" "Mac?" He was floating...something cool on his forehead? All around only darkness, sand, gunfire but then a familiar face anxiously watching him. A friend. Only for a second before the storm returned and all he could taste was the war's stale water. Jack's nightmares become harsher, pulling him into a world of past trauma, It is MacGyver's turn to have his brother's back.


"MOVE!" "GET DOWN!"

His sergeants voice fills his ear.

Sand's filtered everywhere, running his mouth dry, stinging his eyes.

His body tired, worn down. Every limb heavy.

He was restrained, zip tie cutting sharply into his skin. No idea where he was. Men yelling and screaming at him in a language he knew he would be able to understand if they just, for the love of god, slowed down.

His arms tied, they wouldn't budge, he kept pulling and pushing and shoving. Over and over and-

"Jack."

Mac?

But there was only sand, and crying children.

"I got you."

He was floating...something cool on his forehead? Darkness and sand but also a familiar face anxiously watching him. A friend. But only for a second before the storm returned and all he could taste was the war's stale water.

Could he smell flowers?

He was being held. Not held down any more, but held gently. Fingers rubbing and digging into his sore muscles. Cramps were disappearing. The hand stayed for a while, a voice talking Jack thinks? But he can't be sure because the gunfire is just too loud. Lastly the hands fall onto his own. They clasp around his tight fist, uncurling it slowly. It is painful and tight, but the hands continue only stopping once his hand is splayed.

Lyrics drift into his ears " _Down, down to my home_..." That was one of his favourites, from that CD...Why were his CD's playing out here in Afghanistan?

Because he's not in Afghanistan.

With a jolt Jack wakes, eyes blinking as he breathes in deeply. He stretches his hands, wasn't somebody just-? He rolls his shoulders, expecting them to be tight but surprisingly they aren't. It is then that Jack feels a breeze on his face, he twists off the single bed and looks towards the desk.

A fan?

Made out of what looks like pen lids, batteries and rubber bands. Placed deliberately in front of the fan are flowers, their smell sweet and strong. Flowers...

His ears perk up as those familiar lyrics waft back around the room.

Closing his eyes Jack tries to work through his confusion. The sounds and sights of Afghanistan are at the forefront of his mind, but he hadn't been there in years… Which means it was a dream then, or nightmare. But most nightmares he's had recently, he woke up gasping too. This one had been vivid, just like the others, but no panicked waking. There was something different – something he was missing.

"I got you."

There. That. Who-?

Mac! It was Mac he had heard, mid dream.

Jack gets up properly now, the smell of what he thinks to be tacos and popcorn meeting his senses. His stomach rumbling with agreement as he decides to move.

He flicks off the CD player as he passes by, and manages to find a way to turn off the now obviously MacGyver made fan on the desk.

Slowly the pieces of what must of happened piece together. Mac had seen him having one of his nightmares… this wasn't going to be fun. But like all good soldiers Jack carries on.

"Jack – Mornin'! Or should I say evening?" Mac greets him cheerily.

Jack stands dumbfounded as Mac cooks in the kitchen, white top mussed up with what looks like grease, dirt, but also hot sauce and flour. Mac stops his wild scientist cookings for a minute, as Jack is still yet to respond. He tilts his head, searching over Jack. Eventually relenting.

"Press play on that for me will you?" Mac asks, smiling slightly. Jack looks over to the TV, the beginnings of a show paused. It looks to be some nature documentary. Jack isn't sure why but he just nods "yeah sure." and walks his way over to the couch, slouching down. His couch might he add, he's pretty sure he's in his home. Why do things feel so far away?

A shoulder bumping his snaps Jack back to reality.

"Here." Mac slides over a plate of food; tacos and a colourful selection of veg piled onto the plate. Complete with a beer and bowl of popcorn sat on the table in front of them. The smell of the food is strong, so strong that the remenants of smoke and ash clear away from his mind immediately. Jack is able to take a well measure breath. He is in LA. He's in his house.

Sitting back with his food, Jack turns his attention to the documentary Mac seems so wrapped up in. It's Blue Planet or something, not his first choice of entertainment but he has to admit the colours on screen are incredible. The current clip is of the blue, clear sea with Wales dancing around and around. The narrator talking some mumbo about the spouts and how they breathe. The shot is an incredible angle of one using it's hole to blow out a tall fountain of water.

Water isn't like sand, water flows. Water is blue and clear. Jack has had bad experiences on land and at sea, but he thinks he likes the ocean just that bit more.

Jack perks up as his taste buds awaken to the flavours of his meal, it has been balanced surprisingly well. Not so spicy that his mouth would burn, but enough there to banish any traces of the war's stale water or bland beans that Jack seems to be so mentally stuck on. He can feel his mouth curling up into a smile as his teeth munch their way through peppers, tomatoes and carrots. God this stuff tastes good.

The documentary continues softly for a little while, animals of all shapes and sizes have their feature as Jack is taken with them around the world, reminded that the desert and Afghanistan is only one place in a world of many. The credits roll on screen. Mac turns to him, face concerned.

"You back with me?"

"Yeah, yeah… I didn't realise I'd gone anywhere." Jack tries for the joke. Mac doesn't bite.

"Come on, you know what I meant Jack." Mac's face is serious now.

"Mac, I-" Jack sighs, frustrated "I don't know what you want me to say? You know how this stuff sticks with me, it stays with us man. So I've had a few bad dreams, I've just been loosing my grip on things recently that's all!"

Mac anxiously runs his hand through his hair"You don't understand. I don't care, Jack, that this stuff gets to you, it does to the best of us, you are no weaker for it... I care that you've been trying to handle it all on your own, what are you always telling me? To talk about it. And you haven't even mentioned this to me!"

Heat rises in Jack's face as the guilt kicks in. Annoyingly, Mac has a point there.

"Mac, I get that I do. And yeah I give you that, I'm a massive hypocrite right now…"

Mac cuts him off sighing "I'm not saying this to guilt-trip you Jack. Everything has been so busy lately, that's true, so maybe there haven't been as many chances to bring it up… But I don't even know how long this has been going on for? My best guess would be maybe three weeks? A month…?"

"Yeah, yeah a month sounds 'bout right." Jack gives him that, with a tip of his beer.

"And besides what I saw tonight, that wasn't just your run of the mill nightmare, Jack. You didn't know where you were, you were frantic, that's more like a full blown flashback! And, and it worries me, to see you dealing with that..."

Jack can see Mac starting to get more uncomfortable, with the more he tries to say, the kid had never been great at going into depth with his emotions.

"Stop, Mac, it's okay you don't have to-"

"No. No Jack you stop."

Jack stares, stunned, Mac didn't normally let his composure slip that quickly.

"Don't you get it?" Mac starts "I know- I. Know. I don't have to, but I want to Jack. I want to help. You are always there by my side, why can't I be by yours?! Fuck, I know okay? I know, I'm not great with this stuff, so I'm sorry, I know I'm not the best option but there is just no way I am going to let you keep doing this to yourself." Mac is breathing heavily now, the emotion thick in his voice.

Jack's eyes dart all over him, his eyes shining with tears.

"You- God Mac, you can't just... Bud, listen because for one thing you- you are pretty great with this stuff actually..." Jack smiles to himself as a tear falls from his lashes "I noticed what you did, in my room. And out here. You've been trying to show me that I'm not in Afghanistan. The smell of flowers, my CD's, the spicy food, that documentary... That was real smart of you man."

Mac blushes now, taking a sip of his beer.

"I didn't know how much it would help, but I had to try something… I mean Jack, you didn't even know where you were. I kept trying to talk to you, to get you to wake up or respond to me but I couldn't reach you-"

"Wait that was you? I knew it!… I heard a voice, in my dream. And then I was floating, someone was talking..."

"Yeah honestly, I think I just rambled about physics for half an hour or something" Mac admits sheepishly.

"Well for once I think a physics lesson did ol' Dolton some good actually." Jack laughs, his hands rubbing at his eyes. Where were these tears coming from?

"You should probably let it out Jack, stop holding it in" Mac advises, his hand reaching out to comfort Jack before his brow suddenly furrows "I can go? If you wanted some space, I know I let myself in and yeah, I should, I'll go." Mac goes to stand.

"Mac, no, no stay man. Stay…" Jack rushes, pulling his partner back down, Mac concedes resettling himself, as Jack continues "You're right. I don't want to do this on my own, and yeah I know I've been a bit stupid recently… Well hey don't give me that look, you've had your fair share of stupidity too partner. But, that's why I want you here, to let me know when I'm being stupid. Because it doesn't matter if you don't think you're any good at this. I woke up the most calm I'd ever been today, that was thanks to you by the way. Bottom line, you're my family… I'm sorry for pushing you away." Somewhere in his speech Jack's hands have come to sit on Mac's shoulders, keeping the kid close.

Mac's smiling, looking relieved. Jack knew he hadn't actually wanted to go.

"I'm sorry too you know" Mac ducks his head slightly "For not realising this was happening sooner… And for all the times I pushed you away, and you kept coming back – I get how not good that feeling is now, and I'm sorry for sticking you in that so often."

"Nah you're worth it man. Every time." Jack makes sure MacGyver gets it, not breaking his eye contact. "Now, I think it's time...come on, bring it in!" Jack opens his arms smiling impishly.

"Jack-"

"Don't You 'Jaack' me, you wanna be there for a brother you gotta be up for the heart to hearts and the hugs, it's one big package." Jack teases.

"Fine." Mac relents, bringing his arms around Jack.

"You're worth it too" Mac admits quietly into Jack's shoulder.

Jack's nightmares didn't go away overnight. Weeks followed of panic and past memories resurfacing. But that was all it was, past memories, and that past was always easier to overcome when you had your brother beside you. Waking you up, calming you down mid panic and making you tacos at whatever time, just so that you could get rid of the taste of sand. Sure Mac was odd, but Mac was all heart, and Jack had never been so grateful to of met anyone in his life.


End file.
